so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
