If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
