she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i drank out of a bidet.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
