apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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