I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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