this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
