I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
