i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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