I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
