there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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