i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
