Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
