just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
