i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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