when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
