i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
