he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
