after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
