i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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