i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
