i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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