I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We left the knife in your bed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
