her vagine was all disorganized.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
