He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
