so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
