It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
