She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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