Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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