So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
