i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
