she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
