I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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