This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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