dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
