I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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