I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
