i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am spending my child support on dildos
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
