I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No subtext here. People are naked.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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