i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't deserve a penis
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
