When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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