Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
