You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
