Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
