kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
