a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
