what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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