Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
