He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
