my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You made out with two different species that night
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
