True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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